Love is not a responsibility

I don't feel love as a responsibility or duty.Last couple of weeks i'm taking out my mother for temples.She is happy for that.But im really not enjoying that.Every weekend i want to spend time with my mother, so that she wont feel alone or bored.Im doing this for my mother's happiness.I am feeling this as my responsibility.

I don't want the same kind of relationship with my lover/wife(who ever comes into my life first).If im spending some time with someone, there should be some jillll.I feel it when i met my old room mates. I like to play caroms with them. I like to play chess with my friend sumanth. I like to drink with my friends.

But what i want to do with my mother? The answer is A big nothing.When she left me in hostel for my studies, i got a communication gap with my parents.I never tried to recover that gap.may be that is my mistake.

She always feels money and good name in society are important to live. But i never care about society or money.This makes some distance between us.

I hope one day i may realize that she is correct. Or she may understand my intentions and may respect my views.

Journey is sweeter than the Destination

Yesterday i read an interview of Prakash Raj(A good south indian actor).When he looks back to see his career, he find that "His journey makes him happy than the things he achieved".That sentence giving me lot of positive feelings.
If i'm enjoying my journey, no need to bother whether i win or not. Because i enjoyed whole journey.I think i'm following this principle.The work what im doing in the office gives me more happiness than the salary what im getting at the month end.
When i look back to college days: i remember the days when im doing masti with friends,bunking classes,every day eating lunch without paying money, copying in the exams, going to dhabas at late night. I enjoyed 4 years completely.Finally i didn't get good result in the exams(for what i joined college), but who cares. Those are the happy days of my life irrespective of the result.
Will it works fine with everything in life. I hope so. If im enjoying what im doing, i never disappoints for the result.

What i want exactly

I'm in a big confusion right now.I want a girl with me or i want to have sex. I think im not only interested in sex. A lot things i want from girl. i want spend cool time with her in breezy evenings.Want to share the thoughts. I want to print her face in my heart. I want to remember her smile whole life.Forget about whole world, just to think about her whole day.Atleast one day in my life i will dedicate myself to that girl. I think im not that much bad as im thinking.Now im getting something.SEX is very small thing in life when compare to other happiest moments.

All these are just imaginations and expectations.All the above are subject to / may change without my intention i guess.

Lucky Girl

I don't know what a girl wants from the partner,but still my heart says the girl who shares my life will be lucky.

I may not show care about her for whole life.But when i'm really caring for her, i wont care anything/anyone in the world.

I cannot give a surprise gift everyday, but she will never forget the first gift i'm going to give her with love.

Where is SHE

Everyday when i wake up in the morning, i feel like to hug her.Kiss her on the forehead. But where is SHE and who is SHE