Love is not a responsibility

I don't feel love as a responsibility or duty.Last couple of weeks i'm taking out my mother for temples.She is happy for that.But im really not enjoying that.Every weekend i want to spend time with my mother, so that she wont feel alone or bored.Im doing this for my mother's happiness.I am feeling this as my responsibility.

I don't want the same kind of relationship with my lover/wife(who ever comes into my life first).If im spending some time with someone, there should be some jillll.I feel it when i met my old room mates. I like to play caroms with them. I like to play chess with my friend sumanth. I like to drink with my friends.

But what i want to do with my mother? The answer is A big nothing.When she left me in hostel for my studies, i got a communication gap with my parents.I never tried to recover that gap.may be that is my mistake.

She always feels money and good name in society are important to live. But i never care about society or money.This makes some distance between us.

I hope one day i may realize that she is correct. Or she may understand my intentions and may respect my views.